Someone, wake me up please.

Much has gone on since the last posting. The Kelley's Island trip was a success. It ended up being me, Katie, Kelley, and Ryan, but it was fun all the same. I also got buzzed for the first time. It was pretty funny. I sigh a lot when I'm in that condition I guess. Anyway, it was a fun time, and I hope to be able to do it again!

My job at Victoria's Secret has been going well. I got paid today (yay!). I need to go in and check the schedule to check my on call times for the week.

My dad and I started redoing my room today. It's going to be "spring azalea". I'm really excited. It's going to look so much more classy, ha ha.

So the biggest news of all is that Gordon and I are sort of on a break. He called me and told me that ever since he started dating me, God has been telling him to break up with me and that it's been eating at him this summer. Some people I know think he's just hiding behind that statement, but I know that Gordon has a very strong relationship with God and I understand why he feels the need to break up with me, but it's just really hard to take. After almost two years of building a great relationship, it's all over so quickly. I had these dreams of what next year in the house would be like, with my boyfriend, and some of my best friends. Celebrating our birthdays together, goodnight kisses, cooking in the kitchen together, that vision is now skewed. I kind of had a feeling this would happen, I just didn't want it to. He's going to a Christian leadership conference in Michigan, so I came up with the idea to break up for the month that he's there. This way, we can both pray about it, think about it, talk to other people about it, then when he gets back we can figure something out. It was really hard for me the first day. Yesterday I felt like I was over it, then nighttime came and memories started coming up and I felt horrible again. The past three days I've been feeling sick. This relationship was so perfect to me, and it's going to be so hard to get over. I'm going to try to get over it fast though, because I'll be single for a month, and then maybe "forever".

The only thing I'm super worried about is getting back into the flow when we get back to school. Basically everything we did was together. Band, swing, hanging out, eating dinner. Doing all of those things together, but not (you know?), is going to be extremely difficult, if not awkward. It will also be hard for me if he finds another local girl and has her over all of the time.....super hard, and super awkward. I just really hope we can work this out. I feel like we'll be really close friends if we don't end up back together. I also need to think about if he does decide that he wants to get back with me, do I want to go through this again. Religion was the one thing the was pulling us apart, even though I thought we were working through it pretty well. I mean, I had dreamed of spending my life with him. I feel like I would want to get back with him, but who knows how I'll feel after a month. Now I don't know what to do with all of the coupley pictures that I printed out of us at the beginning of the summer.

This all feels like a really bad dream, and I want to wake up from it, screaming, right now.