The first impression I made on Gordon's parents way back when, was not the greatest. I was still in my rebelling from my home life stage, and I was second guessing my belief in God. I expressed this to his Mom, and from there it just went on. They never seemed to have any problems with me until the last few months. Gordon showed me how important it is to him for his significant other to believe in God, and I understood that, and after some more talking, I agreed that it was important. I started to live the spiritual life that I did when I was a bit younger. I started praying again, I started going to large group meetings with Gordon, and we did a lot together. It was helpful, and it felt good.
All of the sudden, a few months ago, Gordon's parents started prompting him to break up with me, stating that I was hindering his religious life. Gordon stood up for me, and frankly, was irritated by their request. He ignored the request for quite a while, until one day he got a call from them at their normal Sunday calling time. We were supposed to go watch "The Princess and the Frog" with friends, he said he'd be late, so I went alone. After it had been a while, I texted him, asking if he was okay. He stated that he was not, but to not come over because he needed alone time. I waited out the rest of the movie and decided to go over to his house because I would have been restless all night. I showed up, Gordon was laying in the dark in his bed. I sat on the edge, and woke him up lightly. I told him why I couldn't stay away and he said it was okay because it was actually better if I did come. He informed that his parents told him that if he didn't break up with me, they would not let him come back to Wooster the following year.
I don't think I have ever cried so hard in front of that boy. I was heartbroken, and offended. We layed there for hours wondering what we would do. Jake reassured us that everything would turn out okay, and we picked up that mindset. I prayed every night and day for them to accept me into their lives. Gordon's sister wasn't so sure that their parents had made the right choice, so she took the liberty of calling me to figure out what I'm all about. I explained to her that when I had first met Gordon I was in the rebellious stage, but that he had shown me how important God really is. We talked for 15 minutes, and later that night, she texted Gordon that he owed her one. Their dad was reconsidering and their mom was still iffy, but they had pretty much backed off on the threat of removal from Wooster. I am so grateful to her, still.
Basically, that whole story was to back up my insecurities. I am extremely afraid that Gordon's parents will reinstate the idea of breaking up with me. I am afraid that him being at home will enable more of a hold on his actions, and less personal ideas and actions. I'm not blaming, or accusing them of anything, it's just a fear that is raking at my brain every waking hour of this summer. Another reason I'm afraid, is that Lauren (Gordon's sister) wrote a new song. She's an amazing singer/songwriter, and I really like her songs, but her newest one kind of reminds me of our situation. The lyrics state something along the lines of "All I ask is that you let her go, but let her down easy", along with some other lines about making your life gray or something like that, I can't quite remember. I'm very afraid that this song is written for Gordon about me.
Gordon told me that he's going to try to find out everyone's stand on the situation. I hope they all decide to give me a second chance and accept me as a Christian and Gordon's girlfriend. All I want is for them to love me and enjoy me. I was hoping that if everything turns out well that either of us would be able to visit the other for a week this summer. I can only dream. Gordon told me he would stand up for me, and I believe him. I feel alone, I feel helpless, I am just so fearful of the worst...
Countdown is at about 104 days.
No comments:
Post a Comment